Everything in my life now seems to be very indecisive.
Helloooo~ and Assalamualaikum.
It's been a while huh? I didn't realize how dusty this blog has gotten till I decided to log in today.
It's not like I didn't have anything to write about. In fact there are so many I don't even know how or where to begin. And everytime I found the time to sit down and start on a new entry, my mind always got distracted by, well,
all the things that was happening simultaneously in my life.
I still had everything under control. I WAS in control.
Until June came along.
It was as if an unexpected thunderstorm of emotional events bombarded my life.
The first week of June was coming and that means MDS was around the corner too. I didn't know if I should feel excited or stressed that I'm going back to Jengka for MDS. Sure, I'd be one of the committee now instead of going through the actual MDS itself, but anything that reminds of the MDS that I went through last year would probably just traumatized me.
The only thing I was happy about was the fact that I get to go back to Kuantan and meet my peeps again. And I get two weeks off from work, so all in all, everything was still in a jolly good mood.
MDS, was -in one way to put it- unexpected. It really was. When I first saw UiTM Jengka again I thought I was going crazy. The fact that this place only held bad memories for me and the fact that I am here on my own will, nothing makes sense to me anymore.
But being the organizer of MDS with all the other committee from Jengka and going through MDS with them was different than when I was going through MDS as a new student.
After a week or so, MDS ended and I never thought I'd wanted MDS to be longer. I wished MDS could go on for two more weeks. I didn't wanna leave Jengka and everyone behind. I really did not want to.The new bonds I've made, all the new experiences I'd never be able to forget.
Well, as soon as MDS ended, it was back to work and to my ordinary boring life.
I don't exactly know what happen to me after MDS. Emotionally. It was like my mind and my heart was still in Jengka and my soulless body was here going through my everyday routines like it was asked to. I was so depressed that at one point I thought I lost myself completely. I didn't know who I was and what I was doing anymore. I just feel like crying half of the day.
I stayed in Jengka for one WEEK and it affected me this bad. I wondered the whole time what triggered my emotions to be fairly unstable for the next three weeks.
But being the organizer of MDS with all the other committee from Jengka and going through MDS with them was different than when I was going through MDS as a new student.
After a week or so, MDS ended and I never thought I'd wanted MDS to be longer. I wished MDS could go on for two more weeks. I didn't wanna leave Jengka and everyone behind. I really did not want to.The new bonds I've made, all the new experiences I'd never be able to forget.
Well, as soon as MDS ended, it was back to work and to my ordinary boring life.
I don't exactly know what happen to me after MDS. Emotionally. It was like my mind and my heart was still in Jengka and my soulless body was here going through my everyday routines like it was asked to. I was so depressed that at one point I thought I lost myself completely. I didn't know who I was and what I was doing anymore. I just feel like crying half of the day.
I stayed in Jengka for one WEEK and it affected me this bad. I wondered the whole time what triggered my emotions to be fairly unstable for the next three weeks.
My hearts always feel uneasy and somehow I just knew that something bad was coming.
I was shocked by a news a few days later that a schoolmate of mine from MRSM Kuala Terengganu has just passed away. Izzat or better known as Pok Jak passed away due to a road accident. My mind went blank. It took me quite a while to process everything in my mind. To accept the fact that he was truly gone, back to his Creator.
I can't say that I was a close friend of Pok Jak but we were friends in a way. I first started to get to know him when we both joined PRS in school and I started to get to know him when he became the president and I became the vice president. And after school ended we hung out a few times. A friend.
Things started to get better after that.
Ismah, Hanna Haz and I had a sleepover and it was heavenly. I had the best times with these kids. LOL.
All in all though, June was just a turmoil of emotions for me. The things I did, feel, or see in that month is just like a blur of vision to me now. Too many things to remember, too many things to forget.
A lot of things happenned actually tp sebab malas gile nk gilee nk tulis I just pointed out the highlights of the month. LOL.
I was shocked by a news a few days later that a schoolmate of mine from MRSM Kuala Terengganu has just passed away. Izzat or better known as Pok Jak passed away due to a road accident. My mind went blank. It took me quite a while to process everything in my mind. To accept the fact that he was truly gone, back to his Creator.
I can't say that I was a close friend of Pok Jak but we were friends in a way. I first started to get to know him when we both joined PRS in school and I started to get to know him when he became the president and I became the vice president. And after school ended we hung out a few times. A friend.
Things started to get better after that.
Ismah, Hanna Haz and I had a sleepover and it was heavenly. I had the best times with these kids. LOL.
All in all though, June was just a turmoil of emotions for me. The things I did, feel, or see in that month is just like a blur of vision to me now. Too many things to remember, too many things to forget.
A lot of things happenned actually tp sebab malas gile nk gilee nk tulis I just pointed out the highlights of the month. LOL.
