He's finally gone.

...

Black Week

What a black week indeed. 

Jae finally cut off his hair. 

This is not a dream. 

There is no waking up. 

Black week is almost ending. 

Which also means he is finally leaving. 

And I don't think my heart can take it. 

Despite how much I convinced myself I could. 

It's really happening.

You're really leaving

Don't Go.

Please

I Said NO procrastination.

See but that's all I did today. 

I skipped all my classes today. Could've get loads of shits done. Would even have time to study for my korean language test tomorrow. But no. 

I decided to just lay around. log on twitter occasionally, read a few fics. eat. then take a nap. And these actions were repeated throughout the whole day. 

Yet I told myself at the beginning of the sem that I will control my procrastination and I won't let it control me this time. Today though, proves that it still does and if I don't start fighting for real, I might just never win against it. or anything else for that matter, 

I have two presentations next week, a post-mortem for st.john's project to watch over, a korean language test tomorrow that probably takes 30% of my final grade. 

And I have the balls to procrastinate like it's nobody business? 

Yep. I definitely deserve a scholarship. 

really, it's amazing that I get to blog today on time. 

oh. and it's minseok's bday tomorrow. 

#BlackWeek

With Jaejoong leaving for the army in less than a week, it is inevitable that I go through such a week.

One week to Jaejoong's enlistment I made myself a #blackweek and wear black from head to toe as a sign of mourning. As a sign of letting Jae go and wait for him to come back in two years. 

I don't know if it's the pms or just due to the fact that Jae is leaving that is making me all moody and have unexplainable moodswings. Or maybe it's because I'm wearing all black and that is affecting what I feel most of the time. 

But I know I'm not fun to be around anymore. 

Which is why I don't feel like going anywhere nor do anything. I don't feel like going to some fancy dinner with an unknown blind date who by the way is only taking me because he has no other choice. I don't feel like doing any assignments when in actuality I have to prepare for two by next week. I don't feel like doing any notes on all the previous classes when I know I should if I ever want to get dean's list. I feel like there're so many things that needs to be done. MUST be done. 

But it's #blackweek. 

And black is telling me to mainly focus on Jae's leave. 

I wanted to.

We were best friends back in Asasi. This one dude and I. I even dare say I was closer to him than my Meteoras. We both got into USM. And I really thought we'd go a long way. 

But things happened.

Maybe I was oversensitive. 

Maybe he didn't treasure the friendship as I wish he would. 

either way, one day we weren't friends anymore. I kinda wished we were able to fix. I kinda wish that we'd get through this. 

But my heart was hurting too much and it was the last straw. 

And I was happy. Letting go of him. Though it hurt. Though it broke me down to pieces at one point. But I was finally happy and free. 

But I saw him last night. 

And everything I tried to make myself believe I was happier without him came crashing down without warning. 

I didn't greet him. Nor did I acknowledge his presence. Though he did. 

But I wanted to. I wanted to look him in the eyes. I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to say, "I miss you and I want us to be like old times again"

But that would mean all my efforts would be a waste. That would mean I have forgotten all the broken promises and careless words. That would mean I wasn't hurting anymore.

But I was. And I still am.

But I miss us. 

Wonder.

If anything is ever going to make sense.

Maybe you just need to believe.

What's the point of me putting efforts if you'll never believe?

One thing at a time.

Keep your calm.

Maintain your pace.

And everything should go smoothly.

When Caring Becomes Too Much.

And it ain't even the right kind of caring. 

It's the I-like-being-in-everybody's-business kind of caring. I mean I know I too sometime poke my nose here and there but I always know where to cross the line. Some people unfortunately, are not aware that there is such a thing. And it sucks when that person keeps reappearing in your life even when he or she has nothing to do with you anymore. 

It sucks even more when that person is affecting the people closest to you as well. 

See I get it if you hate us. I get that you despise us despite the fact that we have done nothing in particular towards you or any of your friends for you to develop this unnecessary hate on us. Because yeah you don't need a reason to hate on people, you can hate them all you want and badmouth us to anyone you want. People need entertainment to survive and for a lifeless person such as yourself this is the perfect entertainment. For a person who claims that you have so much going on in your life, that you don't even have time for such petty things, you seemed to be contributing quite an amount of time and effort into condemning us to every person who would lend their ears. 

I did say I get it. But I still don't know why you are actually doing it. Why you're so interested in condemning everyone else's life because for sure someone who's willing to go as far as you would only have one reason as to why. It's because you think you have the right to have a say in everything wrong in other people's life. What you don't realize is that your life is having it much worse. 

Always playing the victim when in actuality you were the one who started up the fight. When in the truest form you were the one who wanted the drama so you can play the victim all over again.

And to tell you the truth. I used to feel so sorry for you. 

Now it's just sympathy. 

He Was Like A Gift

So as I mentioned in my post yesterday. it was my birthday according to the Islamic Calendar and also coincidentally a Friday the 13th so I had a hunch that it would be a good day as two of my favorite days were occurring at the same time yeaay. 

And yeah. it was a good day. :D

I went down to Saujana and Restu's shared cafe to have lunch and FINALLY. 

I saw Daffodil. Loves. 

This is the first time I actually saw him this semester and everything was just kind of befitting. First time seeing him. on my islamic birthdate no less! AND FRIDAY THE 13TH NO LESS! gawd it just felt so right. It felt like the most appropriate gift I could ever get on such a day. He was wearing Baju Melayu (++ POINTS HERE) and it was one of my of fav colours nonetheless. GREEEEY with a simple dark denim. 

So. perfect. 

And I saw him again when I went to Big Bad Wolf. He was wearing black and white stripes tshirt and he has never looked so good and I think he's been working out too, from the looks of the barely there muscles on his arms. I've always liked men with a lil bit of muscle. :)

He's always so simple in what he chooses to wear but he looks impeccable all the time anyways.

Tell me 

How can I not be attracted to such man. 

If only I can get the chance to talk to him. atleast once. Just so I can see what kind of a person he truly is and if I would really fall for him once I really know what he's like. <3 p="">

It's 13. And It's Friday.

And coincidentally it's my birthday according to the islamic calendar.

And it's Friday the 13th.

For sure it's going to be a good day right?

Ideal Type.

Dark Skin

Cos men who can work darker skin can work anything.

Curly hair.

Cos they're so much more fun to play with than straight hair.

Sharp Jawline.

Just because.


Just like

Reese Ritchie

Hell.

To the yeah 

It's my fault

It will always be.

And so it ends.

Freedoms are so short.

Tired.

But for once.

I feel free.

I can't.

Erase the scars. 

Hello.

Is anybody home?

Cos I feel like I'm the only one greeting hello. 

And you think you're alone in the world. 

When all you have to do is just reply me 

You're Really Leaving.

31.3.2015

The day my life will start to fall apart.

Keep On Standing

Is what I'm trying to do for the past few days. Second week of the semester just started and I can already feel all the workload lurking in a corner. waiting for the right moment to pounce all at once. And they know when the time comes I have no choice but to just keep trying my best to stand on my own two feet.

I'm finally able to take korean this semester. 

And honestly, I have never been more excited to learn. To come to a class. To STUDY for something. To even make an effort of studying for it. 

So far lessons are still easy cos we just entered the basics but I'm pretty sure I will meet a few rough patches along the way in the future. 

St. John has been more demanding than ever. What with pre-hospital care class I have to arrange this week and my MSJ project in another 2 weeks, and I still haven't done anything for Pertandingan Pertolongan Cemas dan Kawat there's just too many things to settle

Tutorials start next week and I'm pretty sure when that starts my state of sanity would be haywire again. 

Hell is Coming.

I can feel it. 

This semester. 

It's going to be hell. 

And this time. 

I don't know if I can even make it out alive.