I guess it's true.

So I haven't really blogged for the past few days. Mainly because my mind is preoccupied with too many things and I can't seem to put everything in order just yet.

But the first week of study has finally gone by and I am calm and collected enough to properly blog after what seems like forever. 

As per usual with every semester, the workload is as heavy as one can put on a student. And here I thought second semester would be a lot less burdening than the first semester. But I've talked too often about my busy life here in USM and I don't want to bore you people with more whinings. 

So regarding the title for the post today, it's about my bad luck charm actually. A few months back, I started having doubts about me being a bad luck charm. Maybe I don't bring bad luck after all. Maybe my existence in other people's life could actually bring good things. Maybe, 

I am actually a charm. 

I guess I was still naive, All these years. and still it was not enough to teach me that I could never bring anything good to anyone's life no matter how I think about it. No matter how I try to turn everything around. In fact my trials just make everything a lot worse. And it hurts even more knowing that the people around me are getting affected by it regardless of how much they convinced me that it isn't any of my doing. that it's not my bad luck charm. 

If only they've known me for as long as I know myself, they'd definitely have a different say

And the events that has occurred this past week has made it clearer than anything that I am a bad luck. 

Bad Luck Charm Proof 1

A friend of mine, whom I consider the closest to me in USM, is one of the smartest girl in TESOL and she always gets dean's list gpas/cgpas every semester. We started to become close last semester and it is during that semester as well that she failed to get dean. The semester that we became close. And I just can't help feeling that partly it was because she got close to me. Party because I became the bad luck charm in her life too. And I don't want that for her. Least of all . 

Bad Luck Charm Proof 2

Another event was when I went back to Penang, carpooling with another two friends of mine. My friend, A, drove all the way from Pekan, Pahang to my house to pick me up before we make way for Penang. As soon as he arrived at my house, the car's hood suddenly had smoke coming out of it before followed with the sound of a minor explosion while I was loading my luggages into the car.  

Bad Luck Charm Proof 3

It is inevitable in organisations that we make mistakes as an individual and an amateur at things. But when you keep mistakes and affecting the whole organization, YOU are the problem. And it doesn't matter if  you try to fix it yourself or if you ask others for help, in the end you'd still mess up and make everything much worse than it already is. 

And that was exactly what I did. 

Bad Luck Charm Proof 4

Half of my blood sisters are not in a very good state right now. A** being alone and no one to trust and rely on while she's studying alone at Winchester, A**a with her roommates turning their backs on her. Idk what's going on with H**** but I know she's not doing very well either. And the fact that I can't do anything to help. The fact that the only form of help I am able to offer is moral support. It makes me realize how I'm such a pathetic excuse for a human being. And this is all happening because they're getting the bad luck from me. They might not realize it and might even deny it but I see it as what it is. They're just too kind of human beings to say that I am the bad seed. 

These are just four of the many that has proved my position as a bad luck charm. To write all would mean writing a complete book. 

And you and I both know we don't need another bad luck book. 

It's Only The First Week.

Yes. 

Unfortunately. 

It's only been a week. 

And I think I'm just about done with everything, 

But I rather do this than work any day.

Honestly when you've worked while you're still studying, you kinda appreciate the fact that you're still doing your studies. It's so much simpler and easier.

Classes are alright so far but something tells me I have to really struggle this semester if I want to even dream on getting dean.

I finally got the chance to take a foreign language subject this sem. We'll see how I fair.

So far. The battlefield is still at peace. 

In the future.

I will own at least one of you. 

I Need Imagination

My mind's been dull for a few days now. Like something is just not functioning on the inside. And it's so weird cause I feel stupid and pathetic and empty. 

Or maybe that's what I've been this whole time. And i've just been imagining that I have imaginations. 

uh huh. 

Need.

Okaaaaay it's more like a want. 

No Headlights.

Ready?

In two days semester break will officially be over and for me it means goodbye P. Alam and lazy mornings and free breakfasts and random getaways; hello Penang, assignments, st. john, student obligations and expensive meals.

Honestly I don't think degree life is bad. But it is challenging and hard. Physically. Mentally. And the worse part is actually knowing it's not going to get any easier from here on out. 

My one and a half month semester break thankfully, has not gone to a complete waste. Though I really hated working, at least it kept me occupied and I was able to earn some money. I met up with my blood sisters atleast thrice? I think? I went to Melaka with my Meteoras for a short getaway. My childhood bestfriend got married and I was there to celebrate such a joyous event. I was able to patch things up with one my old friends, whom I had a bad ending with. Overall it's been a good sembreak and as much as I want to say I haven't been productive I can't. 

Because I have. 

New semester is starting. No I'm not anticipating it. at all. But I am excited to see what life drama and conflicts I'll be involved in this time. 

And honestly I really wanna see all my USM peeps again. it's been a while since my peace is bothered and I can't wait for those rascals to break it again. 

I can't wait to discuss serious kpop issues with Far and Auni again. 

I can't wait to tease Haz about everything in her life again. 

I can't wait to annoy the hell out of Shi Jin again lol

I can't wait to have coffee dates with Syud again. 

Honestly there's a lot I can't wait to do again. But still, it doesn't make me wanna enter the new semester any sooner. 

But these things do make up for it one way or another. 

Effort.

Sometimes it feels like I'm the only one giving it.

It will be this view again soon. 

Save me. 

Too Emotional

Okaaaay so I went a little over the board last night but who hasn't right?

Honestly it hasn't been long since I come to terms with the fact that I'm not good in controlling my emotions. I mean I knew I wasn't good in controlling but I never thought I was super terrible at it. 

If possible it's gotten even worse for the past few months. The more I try to suppress things the louder my emotions become and it's irritating. 

Bugh I need a time out from myself. 

Sometimes It's All About The Outer Beauty.

Often you hear people say beauty is more than just physical appearance. That personality and inner confidence are what matters most. And physical appearance has nothing to do when you talk about the true definition of beauty.

But how often do you hear these lines coming out from a person who is not physically attractive. 

If you ask about my own experience, 

Never. 

So though most of those closest to me preach about inner beauty and shits alike all the time, I never believed them. Not even for a second. 

And it may be what some people would deemed most important. It may offer more than any physical beauty can, this inner beauty thing. 

But I don't care. 

I never cared for personality or inner beauty.

I. Don't. Care. 

All I care about is being skinny and gorgeous. 

Give me that and I'll be more than satisfied for the rest of my life. 

Don't try to give me that "all size is beautiful" thing cos I'm not buying and I don't like it. 

If I want to be skinny. If I think skinny is pretty. Who gave you the right to tell me it's not? Who are you to force feed words into my mouth and make me think that all sizes are beautiful? 

You can't. 

Because you'd never understand. 

First In Line

So two days ago, on the 14th of February or as humans on earth know it, Valentines' Day, my childhood best friend, Nabihah, got married. 

I first met Nabihah when we were eight and we were put in the same class. And by fate I was seated next to her. And just like any other bestfriends we had our ups and downs as well and we didnt stay close for the rest of the our school years. There were times when we were close again and then there were times when both of us preferred other people's company. I had other best friends when I was 9. And another when I was 10. AND another when I was 11. We were close for a brief time when we both entered standard 6 just cause we were in the same class. But she changed to another class halfway through the year and we ended up distancing again. It's funny when I look back. Just cause we were both SO young and we were merely kids. 

But she was my first ever best friend. And that itself put her at a very special place in my memories and in my heart. 

We didn't keep in touch when high school started for the both of us as we went to different schools. But one fine day in 2010, I got a call from her. It was surprising. It was moving. And it felt great to know that she hasn't forgotten about me.  We called each other a few times after that before she flew to South Africa to further her studies. And that was the last time I heard from her. 

Untill a few weeks ago. 

I was woken up at 6 a.m in the morning by the endless notification ring on my phone and a text from Nabihah telling me that she's getting married in a few weeks time would have never been in any of my guess of who and what could be so important that someone needs to disturb my beauty sleep so early in the morning. 

D-Day came and I was the first among my childhood friends that arrived. Maybe it's because I haven't seen her in nine years. Maybe it's because I miss her and now I finally get to see her but in a wedding dress. idk what it is but as I was walking towards the tent she was under, I got so overwhelmed by everything that tears started to form on the corner of my eyes. And waterfalls were threatening to spill at any moment. Her sister greeted me first and ushered me to her. And when I saw her I couldn't help it. I broke down. Happy for her because she's getting married. But i was also bombarded with this unknown feeling of sadness, relief, joy, excitement, and a feeling of being so moved by the fact that we finally meet again. after nine years. Too much feelings at once and I just couldn't contain it. 

We couldn't talk until MUCH LATER ON. I mean she was the bride so yeah she was busy with greeting people and taking photos so we only got the chance to talk after everyone has gone back. 

And I found myself missing talking to her. Just sit down and talk you know. 

I also met many of my primary school friends whom I haven't seen in YEARS. Dalila, Victoria, Aerina, Emi Izzati lol it even felt a lil bit like a mini reunion cos we were all hugging and saying it's been soo long and how you been. I was just so happy that I got the chance to meet them and just catch up with what's happening with each other's lives. 

In the end though after everyone's gone back, the only ones left was me, victoria, aerina and Nabihah. We waited just cos we wanted some alone time with Nab. And it felt strange to me because all four of us had been best friends with another at one time or another. I was bestfriends with Nabihah first and Vicky became her best friend in standard 6 while I became bestfriends with Aerin at that time. And the Vicky, Aerin and I went to the same high school . Aerina and Vicky became best friends (and have stayed best friends since which I found amazing and awesome) while I hung with a different group of people. 

(LOL see how carelessly I use the word best friend here? It was so easy to call someone your best friend back then) 

And while all four of us sat there, in one of the rooms in the house after the wedding ended, talking about mindless things and updating each other on what's going with each other's lives. it felt as if we were 12 again. Just innocent girls going through steps in life one at a time. The only difference is the topic of our conversation. While homeworks, puppy loves and innocent friendships were our biggest worries when we were 12, driving, marriage life and future careers seemed to take over the conversations now and yet, it feels the same. like our conversations were just topics we've spoken over and over again except the language is different. 

Nabihah love, congratulations on your wedding.May you and your husband have a prosperous marriage. I'm confident you can overcome any challenges you will be faced with in the future.  Nine years was a long time and I hope that this isn't the last time we'd meet each other. I'm glad our friendship persevered after all these years and I'm hoping that in years to come it will only strengthen. 

Me, the bride Nabihah, and our primary school friend Dalila whom we were both close to once. 

Vicky, Aerina, Me and Nabihah. 

Speechless

Today was a special one.

Again too much feels. Too much happened.

But I'm too tired.

I'll see you tomorrow.

Why Are You Still Here

I keep telling myself that it's not always about me. I keep reminding myself that it's not always about what I want. What I need. What I feel. I keep telling my heart the world doesn't revolve around you. But the amount of  "I" I have used in this blog proved that I care nothing except my own well being. 

And it's disgusting.

I thought about all the conversations I had with the ones I deemed closest to me and it made me loath myself even more. All I ever talked about is myself. All that was ever in my mind was how terrible of a life I had. And it amazes me that my friends are still around. That they still put up with all the nonsense and baggage I have bought along with my damaged self. It's as if they don't see the dirt that I am, tainting their beautiful innocent hearts with my repulsive one. 

Forgive me. For I ended up talking about myself yet again. 

In My World...

I woke up from a bad dream. No matter how bad my dreams take form I would never say it's a nightmare. Nightmares are sweet tortures. They make you suffer but there's also a distinct pleasure despite the pain you're in and that makes them no different from normal dreams. 

Bad dreams on the other hand are just that. Dreams that are bad. Dreams that force you to find any possible way to wake up and escape. 

Bad dreams are dreams that let you know it's a dream and there is no way you're getting out of it. Regardless of it being unreal. 

For a whole five minutes I focus solely on trying to get my breathing to its normal rate again and wiped drops of sweat sticking to my forehead. Relief swept over me when I sense no movement from the body that was laying beside mine. It seems like my boyfriend wasn't affected by my sudden startled wake. It's a good thing he got back from work exhausted or he would've woken up by even the slightest sounds I make. The blanket engulfing my body suddenly felt like too much and I kicked it off of me before sitting up on the edge of the bed. It was the same bad dream again tonight and this time it got even further than usual. I don't know how much longer I can maintain control over it before ... 

I took a glance at my boyfriend. A smile crept its way to my face. He looked so peaceful. So calmed. I wish I had that. Sleep was suppose to give me that. 

Knowing I could no longer go back to sleep now, I got up and tiptoed across the room to the table with a jug of water and a drinking glass on it. I poured myself a drink and decided to roam the hallway instead of making unnecessary noises while I'm in the room. 

The hallway was empty unsurprisingly and almost all the bedroom doors were closed. Excluding Hoseok, Jimin and and Taehyung's room. Taehyung never closes their bedroom doors. It makes it easier for him to run to Jimin and Hoseok's room when he has nightmares at night. Sometimes they teased him about it. But I have Jungkook in my room every night. I have him to hold on to whenever bad dreams have a hold too strong on me. I have him to whisper "I have you. I have you"

The hallway were full with pictures of us. I stopped at one of my favourites. It was taken the day of Namjoon's wedding and Jungkook and I were slow dancing to a song in the middle of the dance floor. We looked real small in the picture but everything in it was blurred out except for us. For that small two figures dancing on the edge. His hands were circled around my waist and his eyes held no one but mine. Our heads were joint and my eyes were closed but the smile on my lips told him everything. How I was happy that my brother's finally getting married. How it could be us next dancing with me in a white dress and him in his black tux. 

The same familiar arms could be felt slithering around my waist and at a side glance I could see a whiff of black hair appearing. Jungkook let out a sigh and a breathy air tickled my neck. 

"I'm sorry babe did I wake you?" I pat his head that was buried on my neck.

"I reached out for you but it was empty. Come back to bed" His voice muffled on my skin.. 

"In a moment Jungkook. Why don't you go ahead an-"

"It's the bad dreams again isn't it." My whole body stiffen and I knew Jungkook caught on when the arms around my waist tighten. "I have you Min. Always had. Always have. Always will"

And I couldn't help it then. Screw control. 

I turned around and I clutched my body on to him as tight as I could. I wanted to get lost in his warmth, his scent, his presence. He was the only thing that has kept me sane and I'm trying as hard as I could to hold on to it. To hold on to that last piece of sanity I was given out of mercy from my demons. 

Tears were flooding down my face and I didn't even try to muffled the sobs that were coming out because I knew I was long gone. 

Atleast I have him. When everything's lost at least I'll still have him. 

In my world.

Atleast that's how I see it. At least that's how I wished it would be. 

But we live in reality now. And demons aren't merciful even  in the slightest. 

Let's Stay Silent

I could be harsh at times. I know that. But only because it's in my very

What A Sunday

Finally. 

It's time. 

I am about to tell the whole story. What went down on that fateful Sunday. Which was actually just... three days ago. -.-

So I went on a mini road trip to Melaka last weekend with Batrisyia, Shira, Shady, and Puteri. The main reason we went to Melaka was because Bat wanted to visit the cafe that her high school best friend, Diyanah is currently doing her practical at.The cafe's name is #LeQue and yes pronounced as LEKIU. I didn't know so I mispronounced it as in LEAK. Anyway so Diyanah was someone I knew Bat was very close to. Diyanah is to Bat what Blood Sisters is to me. I knew that and to finally meet her was a touching moment on its own. Since Bat is also a very important person to me it was great to meet people who are important to her. 

Bat didn't tell Diyanah that we were coming so it came as a complete surprise to her when we arrived at #LeQue. Short review of the food we had there, they were simply delicious. I tried their carbonara which tasted divine and their creme bulee is TO DIE FOR. So if you go to Melaka and looking for someplace new to eat #LeQue is quite a great place and MAKE SURE you try the creme bulee it's worth every penny. 

So yeah we met Diyanah and turned out Bat wasn't the only one with surprises. Diyanah dropped the news while she was sitting with all of us, waiting for our food to come. She's getting engaged! And of course we were ALL lost for words. I mean to me this is a priceless moment. Telling your best friend that you're getting engaged and possibly get married soon is a huge moment. And I was there to witness one happening right in front of my eyes. The look on Bat's face was just how I expected it. Speechless, shocked and just plain numb. For the first few seconds there wasn't even a hint of happiness or joy in Bat's face. It was just plain shock and disbelief. And really I can't blame her, her best friend, her other soul, long before meteoras came along, had just told her that she's going to get engaged which basically means I'm gonna be married soon.  Bat was trying to process everything that is happening before her and when everything had sunken in, that happiness and joy for her friend that I've been waiting finally showed on her face and it was just so amazing to see. Putting Bat aside we were all shocked too. I mean can you imagine meeting someone for the first time and they suddenly announced that they're getting hitched. 

So that was the first surprise of the day, 

#LeQue's interior to me honestly, is just very common. It looks like any typical indie hipster cafe and there was nothing particularly unique about the design. The walls were all painted blue. Too blue for me but that is not to say the cafe wasn't pretty. Just the same pretty you'd probably find in any hipster cafe tryna make it big these days. 

From left (front) : Batrisyia, Diyanah (with the glasses), Puteri (the pink tudung)

From Left (Back) : yours truly, Shira. Shady.

Some of the photos we managed to take at #LeQue in all the haste and unending chit-chats. It's a good place if you wanna take instagram-like photos and enjoy great food at the same time. Overall I give #LeQue a 8/10 and they should thank the creme bule for my generous rating ceeeeh. 

After filling our stomachs, we decided to stroll along Jonker Walk. We did come across that ice cream pasu bunga thing, quite a few times actually but we were too full to try any so yes I ended up going to Melaka without trying the pasu bunga ice cream though I didn't think it was a waste I didn't try. I mean it's just ice cream in a pasu bunga -,- . Anyway the girls wanted to try that coconut ice cream called sangkaya or something I forgot the name but I didn't take any cause I don't eat coconut. On our way back Shira bought this pink bag she had her eye on when we stumbled upon it on our way to the sangkaya place and she was debating whether she should buy it or not.

She did buy it. RM 60. I would've bought it if I had more than rm100 in my pocket but ah well.


Shady's mom wanted her to buy nyonya laksa before we make our way to her home and I ended up buying one myself despite my full tummy and let me tell you omg the nyonya laksa TASTED SOOOO GOOOOOOOOOD ughhhhhhhh.

Anyway the second surprise that day came when we finally got tired of walking and decided to walk back to the car to move to our next place of visit. We were almost reaching the car park when Bat got a call from Diyanah asking us to wait for her cos she wanted to join us. And I was thinking to myself, can she just get off work like that?

Here comes the second surprise of the day, well I can't tell you exactly what it is because it does involve people's personal matters that I know they rather not let people online know but let me just put it this way. If someone is taken. If someone is engaged and getting married. Then it's time for you as the other person to back off. To admit defeat and not force the person you love to still try and feel something for you. And if that person you happen to love is your colleague and she rejected you, please have a sense of professionalism as a working man. Never. EVER. mix your personal feelings with business or work. EVER. I'll stop here.

Anyway after what happen at her work place, Diyanah joined us for the rest of our melaka rendezvous, We went straight to Shady's house after that and I met with her mom and her little brother Ali. Got to chat with her mom while I was DEVOURING my nyonya laksa. Honestly I'm not really good in communicating with my friends' parents. I find them very intimidating and one wrong move from me could make them hate me forever. As I always do make the wrong moves and create misunderstandings, I always end up being extra quiet among friends' parents. But Shady's mom turned out to be a very relaxing person and it even took me by surprise when I easily opened up to her. Shady got dark chocolates from Kazakhstan which was just DIVINE.


Anyway while waiting for Asar prayers we all got to lepak at Shady's room and finally let Diyanah tell us her full story of what happened. Now comes the third surprise. Due to the recent conflict that occurred at Diyanah's workplace she was thinking of doing her practical somewhere else (Till this day idk if she decided to stay with LeQue or she had transferred to another place to do her practical in peace). The surprise this time came in the form of a text telling Diyanah that now she holds the executive position in making all the decisions regarding the cafe now. Out. of. the. blue. She's only been there a month. Anyway that is an entire problem in itself and I don't feel like I have the right to explain or elaborate this matter any further. I actually feel like I've told too much already.

We went to Klebang around six. Shady's lil bro tagged along. People who know me well know that I'm quite awkward around kids. And Ali was no exception. And the fact that he was one of those kids who isn't shy to strangers did not help either. I tried my best to at least respond when he speaks to me but it just made it clear that I need more practice. Though I was quite flattered when he said I was the most beautiful lady there among all the other ladies. And to be called most beautiful when gorgeous women like Shira and Bat are just beside you is just something. Ali is the first boy that I ever got a sincere compliment from. Like literally the first from his gender. So it felt nice.

We didn't take much pictures here as well. Lost track of time enjoying ourselves we forgot to capture moments. A shame really.

The fourth surprise came when we were all settled in at one of the food stalls for our dinner and this time the surprise was on me.

I decided to open SNS after a whole day of ignoring it because I was afraid something on it might just ruined my whole escapism mood today.

I should've waited a little longer.

I should've stick to my original instinct and open it when I'm at home and safe in the confine of my own room and I can cry and bawl my eyes out without needing to hold anything in.

I was scrolling lazily through my twitter when I came across the first photos of kris and luhan together at the event everyone was talking about. The event that possibly would reunite Luhan and Kris. And I just broke down right there. Crying my eyes out. I will blog about this one of these days because this news deserve a post of its own and this one has already gotten too long/

Anyway I was feeling soooo upset and confused and my emotions were at unstable rate again. I just need to make it stable again. I needed to do something that would distract me from my unexplained sad emotions. I needed something to make me happy. So I did the only thing I knew that could bring a little bit of happiness in my currently tired life. I quit my job.

Surprise number five.

It wasn't just a surprise to the rest of the girls, it was a shock to me too because I really thought I was gonna hold it out another week before I quit for good. But I just can't imagine myself dealing with the stress at work when all I could think about is how to calm myself and get back to my normal self for the next few weeks. So I quit.

And gawd it felt good,

Due to the overwhelming happiness I was feeling I was able to get my emotional state back to normal and put Diyanah's worry to rest lol. Cos she was so worried when she saw me broke down after I saw the news about Kris and Luhan.

What a Sunday everybody, what a Sunday. How I told it might not seem that dramatic as I have made it to be but trust me it was.

Jobless Again.

Yes. I am  jobless again.

And it has never felt so good.

Today marks the first day of me staying at home and doing nothing and gawd how I've missed doing that.

Not in the mood to blog again I'm sorry.

Another Tomorrow

I know I said I'll update about what happen yesterday but I'm just too tired and I wont even have time to blog and make it before midnight so another tomorrow then please thank you good night goodbye

I'll Tell Everything Tomorrow.

One word. 

Soap Opera Sunday. 

Tired. 

Tomorrow will tell. 

E V E R Y T H I N G

Mojo Is Gone

My mood to blog is gone half the time and I just find myself procrastinating everytime I need to blog because there're so many things I want to write but I have no idea where to start and it makes me lose my mood The whole. freaking, Time. 

Like today.

It's no different.

Done

One more week. 

And I'll be done with my job. 

Probably one of the hardest freedom I've had to chase so far. 

Personal Preferences.

Honestly, I've always been one that loves originality in a person. But from the start I knew I was kidding myself. No one in this world is original anymore. No matter how hard you proclaimed to yourself that you are. Trust me you ain't. 

Sometimes though, we can't help but feel our personal preferences is different than what the majority usually prefers when in actual fact we just don't live in a community where most shares the same values as us. Because if we did, let's face it. We'll try to find something else to be immersed in and we'll look at thing on a different angle just so we won't have the same outlook with the majority. In the end we still don't want to share the same values as the people around us. 

But there are times where we find ourselves liking, and at one point loving the community we had fated to be in for a period of time (for me it was during asasi gosh those were the good times. ) And it doesn't matter if our personal preferences are more or less the same. I find myself hardly in that situation though regardless whether I dislike or like the community I live in. 

See I'm a person who values other people's personal preferences very much. Because with each preferences there's a difference and it'd open more different worlds to me. But I know to never cross that certain line. That particular border of entering myself into their world and act as though I've been a resident of it for my entire life. It is their world after all, their version of escapism and I have no right to take it away from them. 

So naturally, I DESPISE it when some other people do it to me. 

There's a difference in having your own personal preference

and liking what other people like cos it seems "cool" and think that you can just fit right in and talk and brag about it like you've been there from the start, 

There's a difference of showing interest and curiosity to what others like 

and being all up in it and acting like a know it all when you "join" the fandom and start acting like you're the senior. Like you're the one people need to go to if they wanna ask anything about the particular interest. 

personal preferences. 

I wish you find your own instead of suddenly joining some of mine when just a few years ago you didn't even show any interest in what has interest me for so very long. 

And I can't help but hate you. 

Hate you. very very much. 

See this was suppose to be a post about people personal's preference in general. 

Ironically it did get personal. 

ah well *shrugs*

A Bitter Old Lady

I'm becoming one.

And I don't know how I'm suppose to turn everything around again.

I used to tell myself that I'd be a better person.

That I wouldn't do what my former so-called best friends have done to me to my current friends.

I told myself I would never be that evil.

No matter how many demons I let succumb me.

Has it finally happened?

Has it become too much?

Less Than One Month To Go

In another 3 weeks I'll be back in USM.

Time sure does fly

Wonder what misfortunate events I'll get into this time. 

Btw 

When is our result coming out?.