Silly Thoughts. Dumb Feelings. Ridiculous Actions.

I do this almost 23 hours everyday, and it just kills me to realize that I'm not that mature after all. I keep thinking I am mature enough for my age. But well, as always. Assumptions that went too far.

I realize I'm still as sensitive as I used to be. Tempered as I used to be. And everything else that I thought I had improvised over the last five years seems to be just a mere fantasy of my own.

In one way or another, yes, I have improved. But it seemed to be very little. Too little to compare to all the sacrifices I have made to change myself.

Always. To be a better person, I ignored a lot of things that greatly disturb my mind. I smiled away all those anger I've been boiling up inside. And if there's one thing I thought I had DEFINITELY change is the fact that I'm not as sensitive as I used to be.

How wrong I was!
Really wrong.

Can I not just be the better person? Can I just be who I want to be? Can I just do things the way I want them to?

Or does that mean I'm being arrogant?

...

...

Self-War

It's not just you. I think everybody has that feeling once in a while. 

Self-war. 

Having this battle inside of you that only you know of. And the fact that you can't tell anybody makes it immensely harder. 

Sometimes you wonder if it's just you and your head, or is it really happening and everybody is in on it.  Sometimes, you keep it inside for far too long that it kills you to even smile everyday. But you do anyway.

Everyone has a battle with themselves everyday I think.

I can't even begin to describe how extraordinarily painful this feeling is. Especially when you don't know if it's real, or just a fragment of your imagination. It's just one of those things that I think everyone would feel at least once in their life. The only difference would be the situation and the people involved.

But there's one thing you need to know.

Your presence is important. It doesn't matter who you are and what you're like. Allah puts you there for an important reason. He never makes mistakes and you just have to have faith that all His doings are for your own good.

If you feel neglected by your own bestfriends, or family even, then you know what? So be it. Be independent and live your life as you should. Cos that's the most important thing. And if everybody DO decide to neglect you one day. Ingat, ALLAH will NEVER neglect you. As long as you don't neglect Him.

My friend,
You have no idea how your important your presence are to us. Everything would be different if you weren't a part of us.The fact that you even feel neglected saddens me in so many ways. I would never expect you to feel that way and I would never want you to EVER.

And I have no idea why would you ever fell that way. Trust me, you are one of the most one of a kind person I know. Period.

The only reason you feel everybody is superior than you is because you can't see the progress you're making yourself. And the fact that you have very low self-esteem encourage that a lot too.

Having low self-esteem is not going to get you anywhere, in fact it will only hold you back. Like hell.

There's a difference between having low self-esteem and being humble. VERY big difference.

You already stand out from the millions of crowd. All you need now is the confidence to flaunt what you got.

Get out there. Get your confidence. Stand straight. And make the world proud. :)

Specially for,

Our biggest SNSD fan. :)