2018.
What a year.
What. A. Year.
I guess, if there's one thing I'm grateful for in 2018 is how it was not nearly as bad as the year before that. In fact it was not bad. not bad at all.
Granted, there were slight misfortunes here and there, but it was nothing that I can't handle. Or so I thought lol.
But more than anything, 2018 has been a year of conscience for me.
I guess, if there's one thing I'm grateful for in 2018 is how it was not nearly as bad as the year before that. In fact it was not bad. not bad at all.
Granted, there were slight misfortunes here and there, but it was nothing that I can't handle. Or so I thought lol.
But more than anything, 2018 has been a year of conscience for me.
A lot of things happened, and a lot of those times have led me to question my own moral compass and before I knew it, I lost that too. It made me someone I thought I'd never be. But then again, it's something I feel I need to go through. I needed to know how far I would go for myself. for the people I care about. for my sanity.
One thing I realize is that I can't be selfless and still live a life where I'm happy and content. But I also realize that I can't prioritize myself without hurting the people I care about. It was a balance that I struggled to find and still am struggling with till today.
I was hurt. A lot. This year. And while in the process of healing myself, I unknowingly hurt other people too. I hurt them so bad that it was nearly impossible to mend the relationship that we had.
I tried to be selfless. And it didn't work.
So i tried to be selfish. And that made things worse.
So now I'm nowhere I'm supposed to be. I lost the support of the one I loved the most. And I'm dangling on invisible threads trying to be there for the ones who need me.
In the end there is no right or wrong. There is no moral compass to guide. There is no such thing as a toxic relationship/friendship or a toxic you. It's all just perspectives. And personal opinions. And what you may think is the right thing to do may not be right in another judgement and that is probably the hardest things I had to come to terms with last year.
I stopped following my heart. Or my mind for that matter. Cause when I follow either, I always end up ruining one small spectrum of my life.Conscience is the only thing that hasn't betrayed me.
And it is the only thing that dictates my course of actions now. Let's see how that will work out in 2019.
One thing I realize is that I can't be selfless and still live a life where I'm happy and content. But I also realize that I can't prioritize myself without hurting the people I care about. It was a balance that I struggled to find and still am struggling with till today.
I was hurt. A lot. This year. And while in the process of healing myself, I unknowingly hurt other people too. I hurt them so bad that it was nearly impossible to mend the relationship that we had.
I tried to be selfless. And it didn't work.
So i tried to be selfish. And that made things worse.
So now I'm nowhere I'm supposed to be. I lost the support of the one I loved the most. And I'm dangling on invisible threads trying to be there for the ones who need me.
In the end there is no right or wrong. There is no moral compass to guide. There is no such thing as a toxic relationship/friendship or a toxic you. It's all just perspectives. And personal opinions. And what you may think is the right thing to do may not be right in another judgement and that is probably the hardest things I had to come to terms with last year.
I stopped following my heart. Or my mind for that matter. Cause when I follow either, I always end up ruining one small spectrum of my life.Conscience is the only thing that hasn't betrayed me.
And it is the only thing that dictates my course of actions now. Let's see how that will work out in 2019.
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