I'm accustomed to feeling lonely. I've been alone for the most part of my life. And I can usually endure it. But sometimes it gets the better of me and I don't know what to do.
And i feel so ungrateful for feeling that.
I'm never deprived of company. I'm never deprived of attention from friends. I'm never deprived of things that could entertain me throughout the day. And my favourite pastime is to sit an empty coffee house with my headphones on to cancel out the entire world.
But sometimes it gets lonely.
It gets hard to ignore the fact that I don't have anyone. A person. That can give me the sort of attention I need.
The kind of attention that gives you butterflies in your stomach. The kind of attention that makes you realize everything is gonna be alright after all. The kind of attention you need when you feel like the world will always be against you.
But I've been searching for it for years. I've been seeking for someone who would be willing to give me that sort of attention. And maybe it is selfish of me to find a person who is willing to give instead of finding it in me to give instead because everybody knows giving is better than receiving.
Maybe it is selfish.
It is selfish.
But aren't we all?
Rather, isn't selfish a form of self-care. A silent message from ourselves reminding us that it's ok to put ourselves first sometimes. That it's okay to feel and need and want without bearing guilt on our shoulders.
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