Hi Dal,

By the time you read this, you're probably already in Hertfordshire, awaiting. preparing for your next journey. 

Being an avid language enthusiast, I can't help but use dramatic adjectives so as you continue on reading, if you find things a little bit too cheesy, cringy or dramatic, do ignore my dramatic ass lol. 

This, is my personal blog. Only a few people know about its existence and those who don't are only able to find it through accident searches or if they really want to stalk me. 

I don't usually tell people about my blog because it is a personal space. A personal space where my deepest thoughts can roam free and those who read it are usually people who are free of judgmental opinions. A personal space that lets me say the silliest reflections without the getting the side-eyes from society's norm rules. A place that lets me experience the irony of being personal yet putting it in a space where the public's eye can constantly watch.

But I guess you've become important enough to me that I feel comfortable enough to share my most important space. I know you enough to know that you will never judge what has been written here. (Which takda apa sangat pun lol but well, you never know) 

You know, I used to think that the affection I give to people has to be equally reciprocated by the other person and if I don't receive as much as I give then that person isn't worth fighting for. That person deserve neither attention nor my time. And I've always been hurt by the fact that I always trust people too easily or give more than what I'm supposed to. And due to my possessive and twisted definition of love, I almost lost all of my friends. 

Which is why for a long time, I have always guarded my heart. Keep people at a distance. Make sure nobody knows that they can hurt me eventhough they already did. 

Took months of therapy and self reflection to finally realise that love is selfless. and if I expect to receive when I give. Then that is not love, it is just a barter system. When you do something out of genuine feelings, then there shouldn't be any feelings of needing that person to give back the same amount. That was the first time I realize that maybe my parents love me after all. Always giving without really expecting me to repay all the things they have done for me. 

I finally learn to do that with my friends. To give without expecting anything back. It was hard and still is and I still find myself reluctant to do things for people I KNOW in my heart do not cherish me as much as I cherish them. But I'm trying. I'm trying to be selfless as I can be. 

I know we haven't known each other for very long. But during the short time that I've gotten to know you, I don't know why, how, or what this is, but I've always felt that I could be open to you about things. Like something that tells me she'd listen to what I have to say, and she wouldn't judge. Something that tells me we were supposed to find each other and be friends. Maybe because I know a person who could be with Bangtan since the beginning, a group that special, is probably special too.

And whatever I may or may not have done for you, it was the first time I never felt like I need to be reciprocated back. I just did it because I want to. It was the first time I didn't have to try. And because of that you're sort of special. 

Back then, when I was stanning bangtan, it was hard because I had no one to talk to about them. I had no one to talk to about the meaning of their lyrics and what it means to millions of others who listen to them. And when I met you, it was like stanning them for the first time all over again. It was like I finally found someone who understands I guess.  

And as we cry through the fact that we weren't able to see them during Wings tour and Speak Yourself.  As we cry when we listen to Young Forever being sung at Wembley, as we made a promise to one day, go to their concert together. I have never felt more determined to keep a promise. I have never felt the need to actually make a dream come true. Us in the concert stadium, waving our army bombs, crying while fanchanting our hearts out and going home with our wrecked souls content and happy.

Maybe our friendship is a temporary fate. And maybe it could also be a long-lasting friendship that neither of us could've foreseen. But I just need you to know that I value you a lot and having you around as a friend and a fellow army has been one of the best blessings in my life. (see? dramatic . -.-)

I just would like to apologize if during the course of our short time together, I have hurt you with my actions, or words or anything at all regardless of it being unintentional.  These words somehow are hard to form on my dry chapped lips, and I know the only way I will be brave enough to say all of this to you is through the one place I have always been brave enough to say things that are usually stuck in my throat. 

I  don't know where the future will take me and I don't know whether I will be in yours. But I intend to work hard to make sure you will still be there in mine :) 

Have fun in UK. Stay safe. Be happy. Find yourself and make sure you speak yourself. I will always be just a call or text away if you need anything and support you from afar. 

Maybe I'm being too sentimental.Maybe I'm saying too much. Maybe you don't even feel as much as I do lol. But if there's anything I learn from rehabilitation sessions, it's that don't ever regret not saying things that you should have. 

Plus I'm a Sagittarius I can't help but be an emotional sap -.-

Sincerely, 

Min