an emotional week.

First week of class hasn't even ended and I'm already so ready to finish the semester. 

ANYWAY, last week had been so emotional it was surreal. It was even worse than the week I found out DBSK split, the week I found out Kris left exo, same goes to the week that Luhan and Tao left exo. 

yes.

it was that bad. 

And the worst part was I didn't even know why. Ok maybe because of THAT THING, but I refuse to believe it was the sole reason that made me soulless and empty for the whole week. It just seemed too pathetic to be affected by it that bad. I need there to be more explanation on why I'm stuck in this numb state. 

I listen to break up songs when I'm not even in a relationship and I got super emotional when I listened to more. Which I did. For 24 hours. Then I would cry my eyes out cos everything feels too much. Then I eat. Then I sleep. I wake up. And repeat the cycle. 

Gawd I was a mess. And I didn't even know why. The aftershock of finding out the news about THAT THING was long gone. And I didn't even feel as sad as I was when I first found out. BUt for some reason, I couldn't stop crying. I couldn't stop being so emotional and it sucks, 

I feel much better while I'm writing this cos I've been listening to avril lavigne non stop and you know how she is very unapologetic about everything in her songs so yeah it made me feel ten times better again. 

hopefully I never be that weak again. that defeated. I won't and don't want to. It's more than I can take honestly. 

even my post is a mess.

merlin. 

Sometimes It's All About The Outer Beauty.

Often you hear people say beauty is more than just physical appearance. That personality and inner confidence are what matters most. And physical appearance has nothing to do when you talk about the true definition of beauty.

But how often do you hear these lines coming out from a person who is not physically attractive. 

If you ask about my own experience, 

Never. 

So though most of those closest to me preach about inner beauty and shits alike all the time, I never believed them. Not even for a second. 

And it may be what some people would deemed most important. It may offer more than any physical beauty can, this inner beauty thing. 

But I don't care. 

I never cared for personality or inner beauty.

I. Don't. Care. 

All I care about is being skinny and gorgeous. 

Give me that and I'll be more than satisfied for the rest of my life. 

Don't try to give me that "all size is beautiful" thing cos I'm not buying and I don't like it. 

If I want to be skinny. If I think skinny is pretty. Who gave you the right to tell me it's not? Who are you to force feed words into my mouth and make me think that all sizes are beautiful? 

You can't. 

Because you'd never understand.