He's finally gone.

...

Black Week

What a black week indeed. 

Jae finally cut off his hair. 

This is not a dream. 

There is no waking up. 

Black week is almost ending. 

Which also means he is finally leaving. 

And I don't think my heart can take it. 

Despite how much I convinced myself I could. 

It's really happening.

You're really leaving

Don't Go.

Please

#BlackWeek

With Jaejoong leaving for the army in less than a week, it is inevitable that I go through such a week.

One week to Jaejoong's enlistment I made myself a #blackweek and wear black from head to toe as a sign of mourning. As a sign of letting Jae go and wait for him to come back in two years. 

I don't know if it's the pms or just due to the fact that Jae is leaving that is making me all moody and have unexplainable moodswings. Or maybe it's because I'm wearing all black and that is affecting what I feel most of the time. 

But I know I'm not fun to be around anymore. 

Which is why I don't feel like going anywhere nor do anything. I don't feel like going to some fancy dinner with an unknown blind date who by the way is only taking me because he has no other choice. I don't feel like doing any assignments when in actuality I have to prepare for two by next week. I don't feel like doing any notes on all the previous classes when I know I should if I ever want to get dean's list. I feel like there're so many things that needs to be done. MUST be done. 

But it's #blackweek. 

And black is telling me to mainly focus on Jae's leave. 

You're Really Leaving.

31.3.2015

The day my life will start to fall apart.

Happy 30th Birthday Kim Jaejoong. Sincerely, Min

Yup. 

It's this pak cik's 30th birthday. Gosh he grows old fast. Just when I thought I finally caught up to his age. =.="

So as you all might have already guessed. Today, the 26th of January marks the 30th year a man named Kim Jaejoong roam the earth and being the devoted and responsible fangirl that I am, I will  of course dedicate a birthday post for this man (seeing as this is the only birthday gift I could give and actually afford). A man I've been inevitably in love with for the past 8/9 years. 

Jaejoong. 

Haih where do I start with this man of so many quirks and flaws. 

People always asked my why I am so in love with him. Why I'm a fan of such man. And I always get silent because honestly, 

where do I even begin? 

1. I love how unbelievably sickly pale your skin is yet it works on you. I have always been a fan of men with darker skin. But you made yourself an exception. I love those lusciously natural looking lips of yours. And I love those big eyes that seemed to melt me everytime though it's been nine effing years. I love that time has no effect on you and you still look as beautiful as you were nine years ago. 

2. I love that playfulness you have in your eyes once you're off stage and off your cold-rocker-guy image you usually have on stage. I love seeing it. Because it gives me the comfort that you're the same Jaejoong I know no matter how many years have gone by. Because it shows that you're not consumed by life's torturous waves. Because it shows that you haven't been drowned by darkness that life may have inflict upon you throughout your harsh idol life. 

And of course there's THAT. Your weird fetish of dressing up like girls and looking prettier than half of the girls in the continent. Acting shy as if You actually hate dressing up as a girl. Pfft please Jae I know you too well not to know when you're doing self-denying. But I love it all the same. I accept every part of you and no matter how quirky some of your sides may be I still find it in me to love each and every single one of it because it makes you YOU. And it's been with you since before I knew you anyway. Because it's what makes me feel like there's still so much interesting stuff to know about you and there's still so many things about you I have yet to understand. And a man who can keep me intrigued for a quite fair amount of time is definitely a keeper. 

3. Gosh the way you look when you're working. It gets me everytime. Honestly you're attractive regardless the time and day. But the image of you when you're working is just so breathtaking. The way you're poured over those music sheets, holding a pencil in one hand. Your face, quite expressionless yet I've never seen it filled with so much emotions and feeling. Your lips moving, mumbling words silently to yourself, trying to see if the words would sound right as a lyric. Your hair falling over your eyes, successfully covering half of it yet still unable to hide the concentration you have in them. Showing that you're seeing nothing but words and rhythm splayed out all over the papers in front of you. How can anyone not fall for such a  beautiful view. 

4. The emotion and effort you put in your singing. If the image of you working is breathtakingly beautiful, then the way you look when you're singing is just surreally bewitching. Those intense eyes penetrating to my very broken soul like no one has ever. It doesn't matter that I don't understand what you're singing about half of the time. Music is a universal language and the fact that you were able to make me feel things I never thought I could just by singing and interpreting the song so damn well without the need for me to look at translations. For making me feel what you feel. Now that's a talent that is gifted ever so rarely. A gift where you literally communicate through the language of music. When you hit the high notes so effortlessly and still able to maintain the consistent emotion that needs to be brought out from the song. I wonder how can anyone ever question my love for you. Can they not see it. Can they not see what I am observing. admiring. falling in.

5. Your dark rocker side. The part of you that I most connect with. The part of you that finally made me go "See I knew you were my type". The part of you that I feel most in sync with me. Anyone who knows me well enough knows that I've always enjoyed wrecked sorrowful souls and you. When you're in your dark rocker mode, it just made me even more sure that I made the right choice loving you. That I fell in love with the right person and that I have always known deep inside something strong connects me to you. 

6. Haih. Your worst habit. Honestly I had such a hard time accepting the fact that you're a smoker and I can only thank merlin for not making you a chain one. I even went through a phase of doubting my love for you. Because back then I hated smokers, not that I like them now but I don't hate them. I never loved the fact that you smoke and I don't think I ever will. But I love the fact that it reminds me that you're just human too. A human with flaws, A human with bad habits. And that only makes me fall for you even more. 

7. Your tattoos.  You have lots of em. And I'm pretty sure you'll be adding more in the future. But the one I love the most will always be you TVXQ tattoo. and the names of all the members. To have their names and the name TVXQ forever ingrained on your skin shows your undying love for them. Shows that you want them in your life permanently. It shows that when you love, you love deeply. And you never let go. Even during JYJ concerts when you sing the old TVXQ songs, and you'll start crying, they're tattoos as well. Memory tattoos. Uninked but forever there. Just like my love for you.

The next two would be the two major reasons why this man is so hard for me not to love. Not to give my everything to.  

8. Yes I love you for all your personality and characters including all physical and emotional attributions. But one of the biggest reasons why I love you, why I admire you, why I fell for you in the first place even, lies in the friendship or rather, the brotherhood you've built with the four other men. Yunho. Yoochun. Junsu. And Changmin. I wasn't one to believe in everlasting friendship or even love for that matter. I never thought love such as what you guys were able to portray exist. I never believed that you could love another soul more than you love yourself. And you, all of you proved me wrong. The bond you have between the five of you is so beautiful I've never seen such intense love for one another. Even when you split up, I always knew that you guys still love and care for each other deeply. Because you're brothers. Because you've gone through so much together and grow up to be the men you all are today together, that it's impossible for you not to love each other so easily. It's been years since the lawsuit, since all the tears I've shed, since all the heartbreak I felt almost everyday, but I have never lose faith in your friendship. I have never, and will never lose faith in seeing all five of you reunite again. Because your bond is that strong. You are bound to meet each other again. I've waited patiently for six years, what's another six more kan?

Always Keep The Faith. 

9. The way you know your fans just as good as we know you. When this article came out and I read what you wrote about us I couldn't help but tear down. Because it felt like you actually find the time to find out what we feel about you. How can I not fall for you? How can I not be in love with someone whose sacrificial values are only set for his beloved fans. Who cares so much for the people that's been supporting him for so long that if he were to compromise it would only be for them?Through thick and thin we've been there for you and you've been there for just by preserving, by pushing yourself forward, by marching forward bravely and I would ask for nothing more than your happiness and well being. 

Kim Jaejoong. If anyone ever ask me why do I love you I know exactly what to answer now. And that would be "just because". I could write a list of reasons but at the end of the day I know I love you just because. People always tell me that love doesn't need a reason. Love doesn't need justifications. And while writing this post I finally understand what it means now.

Jae happy 30th. I think I have expressed enough of my love for you. I've never regretted becoming your fan, if anything I'm proud beyond compare. You've always tried your hardest to be your best, to connect with your fans, to protect your bond with the other four and I can't imagine myself being an ultimate fan of another. I love you.

B1A4 Malaysia Fanmeet 2015 Scandal : A View From A Veteran Fangirl

So there's been a lot of talk going around about this particular issue. Especially from Malaysia's local press and call me ignorant, going against my own religion, whatever you want, but I'll still say this issue has gone out of hand and out of proportion. People are making such a big deal over such a small and unimportant issue.

One thing about Malaysians is that they like to accuse and blame sides without assessing the situations first. Without knowing what truly happened and without having any solid proof and prior knowledge that relates to the occurences. And when the pictures and videos of those girls being kissed on the cheek backhugged by B1A4 members were made public, the public was quick to blame it on the ENTIRE KPOP COMMUNITY saying they're spreading evil, and badmouthed the girls. Again, without assessing the situation.

One local press even used the word molesting and sexual harassment, further stating that the girls were so infatuated by kpop that they lost all sense of dignity and self preservation. That they have forgotten the limits set by religion. I don't know how this statement actually supports the word "molest" here so I'm just going to assume that they don't know the real definition behind said word because this is what happens when you don't try to assess the situation first and get your bloody facts straight.

First of all, the members of B1A4 had ASKED for permission from the girls themselves beore they touch the girls. And the girls had given them their permission. So I don't think it's considered sexual harassment if both sides are willing participants. But then again, the context of sexual harassment in this country has always been quite vague if you know what I mean.

Second of all, B1A4 are just celebrities that are doing what they thought as fanservice. A way to interact and please and appreciate their fans. THIS IS A NORMAL THING in THEIR CULTURE and they have no prior knowledge of what is and isn't appropriate in context of Islam. Even if they did know a little bit, if the girls themselves had given their consents, who are they to reject the humble wishes of their owns fans? I feel sorry for B1A4 mostly because they are getting such bad press about this when all they did was just fanservice. When all they were trying to do was give the fans good memories.

Now I'm going to talk about the investigation that Jakim has set on this particular incident saying that the organiser did not follow the set of rules that has been laid out for such events, further supporting the claim that this has been an act of sexual harassment. The organiser is an organisation mostly run by women, do you really think they want to see these girls get sexually harassed? Again, accusing without assessing.

And the public isn't helping either, bashing the girls at every social media corner they can find. Bashing kpop because they bring everything evil to the country and honestly I was starting to lose my patience on everyone. Never had I rant about a certain issue on twitter as bad as this one just because everything that everyone is saying is wrong. It's so so wrong. And this time, I just can't be on the neutral side.

I was ready to let go of the issue after 24 hours of giving my own two cents on twitter, but then Jawi came out with a statement that the girls have to step out and admit who they are to help with "further investigations" and they have to pay a fine of RM 1, 000 or be sentenced to jail for 6 months.

After that I lost my shit.

I completely lost it.

Ok fine, what the girls did was wrong and it is right for the public to say that they went overboard but to give them such punishment for an issue like this is just plain excessive and unnecessary I think. They're doing it under the akta of obscene acts in public. To give them such punishment because of a mere back hug or a kiss on the cheek when the local's own entertainment industry has done much worse things in the name of entertainment is just absurd and unfair. If you really want to punish people for obscene acts in public then I suggest you start with Malaysian artists first because they're the ones who know the halal haram in Islam. Have ilmu in Islam but still do all those things in the name of work. Yet I don't see Jakim giving any attention to them, as if it's ok because they're malaysians and local? Tell me then what's the difference between the skinships of these girls and B1A4 with the skinship shown on tv? Tell. Me. Putting girls behind bars for what seemed to be an honest mistake and can be solved through a discussion is equivalent to north koreans giving death sentence to their own people for watching south korean entertainment. and yes it happened.

Honestly what's happening here is just plain hatred. Hatred towards everything in the name of korean entertainment because it brings obsession. A hatred that has turned people blind over the real issue here.

And the fact that they're hashtagging #MenentangKejahatanKpop on twitter like that mere incident represents the entire kpop community is showing how hypocritical Malaysians can be. They get so mad when the rest of the world label ALL Muslims as terrorist due to a small group of them. But don't you see that you're doing the exact same thing? Taking a small group of something so large to represent the entire community. And it's just not right. You wonder why people all around the world stereotype muslims. You wonder and get mad when there are people accused all those who wear hijabs are terrorists. But they're just assuming based on what the media has fed them. Based on what they've seen without further assessment. And you malaysians, are doing the exact same thing. I'm not saying all Malaysians but you know yourself la kan.

If you want to justify why a certain act is wrong is alright, but to have it cloud your judgment over everything and talking about things that are completely out of context, now that I can't tolerate.

To conclude I think what the girls did was wrong, but I think how Jawi and the public are handling it is unprofessional and unjust as well.

As a kpop fan more than nine years, I would like to apologize to all other fans out there for all the commotions that my country has created, and I would like to personally apologize to B1A4 for all misunderstandings. Just know you guys did nothing wrong as you did ask for permission and you were just doing your job as an artist. As idols who want to show their appreciation to their fans. I apologize from the bottom of my heart.

I'm not saying you can't advise the girls or say that what the girls did are wrong but there are ways to do it and showing their faults in public is not how Islam has taught us. 

I hope the people who spread the pictures with intentions of shaming the girls are happy because I guess you got what you wanted.

Seriously if they do have to pay a fine of one thousand ringgit or be put behind bars over this issue then don't ever talk to me about justice again Malaysia because you're not doing a very good example of it.