Yup.
It's this pak cik's 30th birthday. Gosh he grows old fast. Just when I thought I finally caught up to his age. =.="
So as you all might have already guessed. Today, the 26th of January marks the 30th year a man named Kim Jaejoong roam the earth and being the devoted and responsible fangirl that I am, I will of course dedicate a birthday post for this man (seeing as this is the only birthday gift I could give and actually afford). A man I've been inevitably in love with for the past 8/9 years.
Jaejoong.
Haih where do I start with this man of so many quirks and flaws.
People always asked my why I am so in love with him. Why I'm a fan of such man. And I always get silent because honestly,
where do I even begin?
1. I love how unbelievably sickly pale your skin is yet it works on you. I have always been a fan of men with darker skin. But you made yourself an exception. I love those lusciously natural looking lips of yours. And I love those big eyes that seemed to melt me everytime though it's been nine effing years. I love that time has no effect on you and you still look as beautiful as you were nine years ago.
2. I love that playfulness you have in your eyes once you're off stage and off your cold-rocker-guy image you usually have on stage. I love seeing it. Because it gives me the comfort that you're the same Jaejoong I know no matter how many years have gone by. Because it shows that you're not consumed by life's torturous waves. Because it shows that you haven't been drowned by darkness that life may have inflict upon you throughout your harsh idol life.
And of course there's THAT. Your weird fetish of dressing up like girls and looking prettier than half of the girls in the continent. Acting shy as if You actually hate dressing up as a girl. Pfft please Jae I know you too well not to know when you're doing self-denying. But I love it all the same. I accept every part of you and no matter how quirky some of your sides may be I still find it in me to love each and every single one of it because it makes you YOU. And it's been with you since before I knew you anyway. Because it's what makes me feel like there's still so much interesting stuff to know about you and there's still so many things about you I have yet to understand. And a man who can keep me intrigued for a quite fair amount of time is definitely a keeper.
3. Gosh the way you look when you're working. It gets me everytime. Honestly you're attractive regardless the time and day. But the image of you when you're working is just so breathtaking. The way you're poured over those music sheets, holding a pencil in one hand. Your face, quite expressionless yet I've never seen it filled with so much emotions and feeling. Your lips moving, mumbling words silently to yourself, trying to see if the words would sound right as a lyric. Your hair falling over your eyes, successfully covering half of it yet still unable to hide the concentration you have in them. Showing that you're seeing nothing but words and rhythm splayed out all over the papers in front of you. How can anyone not fall for such a beautiful view.
4. The emotion and effort you put in your singing. If the image of you working is breathtakingly beautiful, then the way you look when you're singing is just surreally bewitching. Those intense eyes penetrating to my very broken soul like no one has ever. It doesn't matter that I don't understand what you're singing about half of the time. Music is a universal language and the fact that you were able to make me feel things I never thought I could just by singing and interpreting the song so damn well without the need for me to look at translations. For making me feel what you feel. Now that's a talent that is gifted ever so rarely. A gift where you literally communicate through the language of music. When you hit the high notes so effortlessly and still able to maintain the consistent emotion that needs to be brought out from the song. I wonder how can anyone ever question my love for you. Can they not see it. Can they not see what I am observing. admiring. falling in.
5. Your dark rocker side. The part of you that I most connect with. The part of you that finally made me go "See I knew you were my type". The part of you that I feel most in sync with me. Anyone who knows me well enough knows that I've always enjoyed wrecked sorrowful souls and you. When you're in your dark rocker mode, it just made me even more sure that I made the right choice loving you. That I fell in love with the right person and that I have always known deep inside something strong connects me to you.
6. Haih. Your worst habit. Honestly I had such a hard time accepting the fact that you're a smoker and I can only thank merlin for not making you a chain one. I even went through a phase of doubting my love for you. Because back then I hated smokers, not that I like them now but I don't hate them. I never loved the fact that you smoke and I don't think I ever will. But I love the fact that it reminds me that you're just human too. A human with flaws, A human with bad habits. And that only makes me fall for you even more.
7. Your tattoos. You have lots of em. And I'm pretty sure you'll be adding more in the future. But the one I love the most will always be you TVXQ tattoo. and the names of all the members. To have their names and the name TVXQ forever ingrained on your skin shows your undying love for them. Shows that you want them in your life permanently. It shows that when you love, you love deeply. And you never let go. Even during JYJ concerts when you sing the old TVXQ songs, and you'll start crying, they're tattoos as well. Memory tattoos. Uninked but forever there. Just like my love for you.
The next two would be the two major reasons why this man is so hard for me not to love. Not to give my everything to.
8. Yes I love you for all your personality and characters including all physical and emotional attributions. But one of the biggest reasons why I love you, why I admire you, why I fell for you in the first place even, lies in the friendship or rather, the brotherhood you've built with the four other men. Yunho. Yoochun. Junsu. And Changmin. I wasn't one to believe in everlasting friendship or even love for that matter. I never thought love such as what you guys were able to portray exist. I never believed that you could love another soul more than you love yourself. And you, all of you proved me wrong. The bond you have between the five of you is so beautiful I've never seen such intense love for one another. Even when you split up, I always knew that you guys still love and care for each other deeply. Because you're brothers. Because you've gone through so much together and grow up to be the men you all are today together, that it's impossible for you not to love each other so easily. It's been years since the lawsuit, since all the tears I've shed, since all the heartbreak I felt almost everyday, but I have never lose faith in your friendship. I have never, and will never lose faith in seeing all five of you reunite again. Because your bond is that strong. You are bound to meet each other again. I've waited patiently for six years, what's another six more kan?
Always Keep The Faith.
9. The way you know your fans just as good as we know you. When this article came out and I read what you wrote about us I couldn't help but tear down. Because it felt like you actually find the time to find out what we feel about you. How can I not fall for you? How can I not be in love with someone whose sacrificial values are only set for his beloved fans. Who cares so much for the people that's been supporting him for so long that if he were to compromise it would only be for them?Through thick and thin we've been there for you and you've been there for just by preserving, by pushing yourself forward, by marching forward bravely and I would ask for nothing more than your happiness and well being.
Kim Jaejoong. If anyone ever ask me why do I love you I know exactly what to answer now. And that would be "just because". I could write a list of reasons but at the end of the day I know I love you just because. People always tell me that love doesn't need a reason. Love doesn't need justifications. And while writing this post I finally understand what it means now.
Jae happy 30th. I think I have expressed enough of my love for you. I've never regretted becoming your fan, if anything I'm proud beyond compare. You've always tried your hardest to be your best, to connect with your fans, to protect your bond with the other four and I can't imagine myself being an ultimate fan of another. I love you.
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