The End Game

No one knows. And that's what terrifies me the most. Because my end games never ended well. And I was forced to live with what is left.

I haven't been blogging for the past few days honestly but I will blog about each day right after this one. Things have been too hectic and exhaustion took me to the point that I would fall asleep in seconds after I lay down.

Today though.

S just got back to USM. Her brother passed away last week. And I was worried for when gets back as I am not known for being a great comfort to friends. I suck at comforting people and I wonder if she needs it from me. Usually when I go through a hard time, I would prefer it if people leave me be. If they just give me space because honestly that's all I need. And my fault is that everyone else would be the same too. So when a close friend of mine is going through a hard time, I would usually give her space. I won't ask her anything about the matter. I won't try to comfort her. I would just treat her like I would any other day and thinks that she'd appreciate that.

There were just so many deaths happening to the people closest to me nowadays, it made me think how my own end game would be. And would anyone be there to weep for me. And though I already know the answer to that. Though I know no one would. I can't help but ponder upon it. I can't help but sink into a dark realm and stay there. Because it is definitely safer. familiar.

I have lost all desire to be one half of a soul. For my soul was ripped apart as soon as I was born and what's left is this hollowed body.

I have lost all desire to escape. For everywhere I turn there is no window. no door. not even a hole that would allow me to. For every place I venture allows me no escape and the only thing I can do is endure. For that is what I have been doing for a long time.

Some may doubt my words. Some may believe. Some may outright laugh.

And so from there I know I have no one but myself. And that is the one place I wish to escape from the most.