Long-Term Success Does Not Come Easy.

Haih losing weight is so hard. Especially when you're staying at your parents' house and all food are at your disposal YET the only healthy food they have are eggs and wholemeal bread. And you being the broke student do not have any money to buy healthy non-fattening food to go with your calorie and metabolism diet. So you see, I had to work with what I've got and it's Di-ffi-cult. 

Especially because the staple food in this house is WHITE RICE WHICH IS A BIG NO IN THE DIET AND HEALTHY WORLD. And because I usually take my rice enough for two skinny ladies, now that I'm cutting my calorie, I have to cut down the proportion to half of what I usually take. And I can't eat dinner later than 9 if I can help it because I need 4 hours of not eating anything before I go to bed. And whatever protein that is available is either usually oily, or fattening. But I have no other choice. Either that or I starve which is WORSE because that would just ruin my metabolism rate. 

So you see, a healthy diet is hard when you're poor. Not impossible. 

But hard. 

Cos all the healthy foods are expensive af. If I had money I could easily but lotsa lotsa of protein for breakfast and lunch and eat two big grilled salmon instead of rice and a fish cos I have to share the protein with the rest of the house as well. Grr. And then for dinner I could easily pop some fruits in my mouth cos those things are very fulfilling. I once ate a whole apple for dinner and I was full for the rest of the night. 

But because there's so many great food in the house and I can't really tell what my mom is going to cook the next day, I would slip through the cracks and eat too much and regret it for my whole life an hour later. (I gobbled down four plates of nasi lemak today guilty af) And I can't get any exercising done cos my daily exercise used to involve me cleaning my room and now my room has no more mess to clean up.

I get frustrated at times cos I see no progress and I know that I just started this thing so I can't expect to see any results in at least another three months. Which frustrates me in another way. But I know long term success do not come easy and if it does, it won't last. Experienced it first hand. 

I get tired. Frustrated. And the teasing that comes from my friends when we go out to eat is not helping at all. But I have to pull through . I have to prove to myself that I can do this. That I am more than just my own words and I can do anything if I set my mind to it. And I need to do this.

 I believe that this could help me in achieving another step to love myself. Particularly because loving one self is not one that comes easily when you've spent your whole life resenting your own existence.