Friday, March 16, 2018

90 KG

I weigh 90 kg. Nine. TY. NINE ZERO.

The heaviest weight I have ever been and it feels terrible. You start to wonder when did it even happen. When did eating becomes a burden. 

I'm starting my diet again. I don't have this obsession with being super skinny anymore and I don't really mind being thicc but 90 kg is just.. 

My clothes don't fit anymore. I find it much harder to do physical things. I start binging on so many sugary treats. It all makes sense and yet it doesn't. I haven't been eating more. I haven't changed my eating habits. Not since I stopped dieting a few years ago. But why do I keep on putting more and more weight?

Dieting and exercising is probably one of the hardest things I try to commit myself to. Which is why I quit halfway through my diet project a few years ago. How I wish I hadn't but I guess even then I wasn't strong enough to go through anything till the end. But it wasn't on purpose. I didn't quit on purpose nor did I want to. It just happened.

I guess it's time for me to realize I'm not 16 anymore. I can't just eat anything and everything and expect myself to stay skinny like all my other friends. It just doesn't work for me that way. 

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