So I haven't really blogged for the past few days. Mainly because my mind is preoccupied with too many things and I can't seem to put everything in order just yet.
But the first week of study has finally gone by and I am calm and collected enough to properly blog after what seems like forever.
As per usual with every semester, the workload is as heavy as one can put on a student. And here I thought second semester would be a lot less burdening than the first semester. But I've talked too often about my busy life here in USM and I don't want to bore you people with more whinings.
So regarding the title for the post today, it's about my bad luck charm actually. A few months back, I started having doubts about me being a bad luck charm. Maybe I don't bring bad luck after all. Maybe my existence in other people's life could actually bring good things. Maybe,
I am actually a charm.
I guess I was still naive, All these years. and still it was not enough to teach me that I could never bring anything good to anyone's life no matter how I think about it. No matter how I try to turn everything around. In fact my trials just make everything a lot worse. And it hurts even more knowing that the people around me are getting affected by it regardless of how much they convinced me that it isn't any of my doing. that it's not my bad luck charm.
If only they've known me for as long as I know myself, they'd definitely have a different say
And the events that has occurred this past week has made it clearer than anything that I am a bad luck.
Bad Luck Charm Proof 1
A friend of mine, whom I consider the closest to me in USM, is one of the smartest girl in TESOL and she always gets dean's list gpas/cgpas every semester. We started to become close last semester and it is during that semester as well that she failed to get dean. The semester that we became close. And I just can't help feeling that partly it was because she got close to me. Party because I became the bad luck charm in her life too. And I don't want that for her. Least of all .
Bad Luck Charm Proof 2
Another event was when I went back to Penang, carpooling with another two friends of mine. My friend, A, drove all the way from Pekan, Pahang to my house to pick me up before we make way for Penang. As soon as he arrived at my house, the car's hood suddenly had smoke coming out of it before followed with the sound of a minor explosion while I was loading my luggages into the car.
Bad Luck Charm Proof 3
It is inevitable in organisations that we make mistakes as an individual and an amateur at things. But when you keep mistakes and affecting the whole organization, YOU are the problem. And it doesn't matter if you try to fix it yourself or if you ask others for help, in the end you'd still mess up and make everything much worse than it already is.
And that was exactly what I did.
Bad Luck Charm Proof 4
Half of my blood sisters are not in a very good state right now. A** being alone and no one to trust and rely on while she's studying alone at Winchester, A**a with her roommates turning their backs on her. Idk what's going on with H**** but I know she's not doing very well either. And the fact that I can't do anything to help. The fact that the only form of help I am able to offer is moral support. It makes me realize how I'm such a pathetic excuse for a human being. And this is all happening because they're getting the bad luck from me. They might not realize it and might even deny it but I see it as what it is. They're just too kind of human beings to say that I am the bad seed.
These are just four of the many that has proved my position as a bad luck charm. To write all would mean writing a complete book.
And you and I both know we don't need another bad luck book.
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